


Didn't I, My Dear?

by Synnerxx



Series: Snapshots [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Loneliness, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2012-12-08
Packaged: 2018-11-01 10:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10920138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Fin knows who he really wants.





	Didn't I, My Dear?

Fin laughs and smiles and nods in all the right places, but he's not really paying attention to the woman sitting across from him at the table. Sure, she's nice, pretty, and funny, but he's preoccupied with someone else. Someone who's not even there. 

His thoughts are still back with John in the squad room and the odd look in his eyes when Fin had told him that he had a date. There's no reason that John should care about Fin's romantic life. Him and John were just about sex. No strings attached, need a release now kind of sex.

Fin struggles to focus on his date, struggles to keep his thoughts away from John and on the woman in front of him. He remembers her name only because that's what he's trained to do and he listens with half an ear as she tells him about her work. She's a vet. 

He feels guilty, but he wishes it were John in front of him, all sarcastic comments and dark eyes hidden beneath glinting glasses. He wants John's hand curled around that wine glass, John's smile on him as he talks, John's knee brushing against his ever so often under the table. 

He wonders at himself for a moment. When something that was meant to be just physical turned into something emotional. He supposes it was inevitable. He already cares about John, being his partner and friend. Now it's just evolving into something more. 

He walks his date home. She doesn't live too far away. They get to her building and she invites him up for a cup of coffee and he looks at her for a moment and all he wants is John standing there, looking at him expectantly, waiting for his answer. Instead it's her and he has to gently turn her down. 

She nods, looking a little disappointed, but not much. She squeezes his arm and tells him she hopes he has good luck with whoever he's been thinking about. She smiles before he can say anything and heads into her building. She doesn't look back at him. 

He walks around the city for a while, noticing and not caring when his feet lead him to John's building. He supposes that was inevitable too. He stands outside for a while, looking up at the rows and rows of windows and imagining what John is doing inside. Maybe he's reading a case file or a book. Maybe he's in the shower. Maybe he's already in bed asleep.

Fin sighs and doesn't go in, doesn't push the buzzer, and doesn't end up inside of John's apartment for the night. He walks home slowly, thinking about what an idiot he is and how he should be braver because really, this is John and John knows him and he knows John.

He crawls into bed and wonders when he started making all of these mistakes in his life. Everything used to be easy and now it seems like one huge mistake.


End file.
